"Black Male" by S. Buck

Since the beginning, scientists have speculated on causes and orgins of human sexuality and desire. What is it, exactly, which makes A want to be with C and not B? Environment, nature, nuture. Maybe his mother was domineering and overbearing and his father was weak and distant. Perhaps as the second child and oldest boy he was coddled. Or maybe the mother was weak and overbearing and the father was distant and domineering. Or maybe it's all genetics. The debate is endless. Is the left side of the lesbian brain larger and more developed than the right?

When I was in high school I was very comfortable being a sexual non-entity. I was never teased, never called 'f****t', never nothing. A bookish, nerdy, skinny black boy is not viewed as a sexual threat. I saw how cruelly the 'exuberant' boys were treated and I wanted no part of it or of them. Truthfully, I wanted to be 'exuberant' as well but the price of admission to that club was way too high. A shame stemmed from my denial of them, and my denial of me seeing myself in them.

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