I believe that we in our society have truly lost a lot of things as we have “progressed’. Technology has been great in making life more efficient, but it has also left us becoming more and more detached from each other. We now reside within our own little worlds of Ipods and MP3 players. We ride in our automobiles segregated from true physical and social interactions on the way to and coming from our places of employment just to come home to automatic meals for the kids, and singular focuses for entertainment (i.e.…computers, televisions, DVD players, playstations, etc…). One of the things that we have lost in all of this is a constant education in basic human connection. This plays out dramatically in our sexual behaviors. 

In my humbled and observant opinion as a therapist, I believe that things have opened for us in a big way, but have closed us off to many social and educational concepts that we as people should learn. One of those concepts having a defined understanding of love and sex. I feel that we are so starved for that innate affection and human intimacy that we unconsciously cut it off in our day-to-day lives. Then we move sex to a place of dominant power, when it should be an ingredient. This ingredient should be apart of the true dominant power of love. Why is sex dominant? The scale of advertisement, lack of positive role models, and a genuine fear because of the lack of understanding of what love really is all conspired to make an apex that is both dangerous, but is also continuing to set back the growth of healthy decision making in our communities.
 
Love is defined in many ways to many people. It is apart of the core of most religions and a fabric of the societal construct. However, it is not ever really seen in media, especially for men of same sex desires. This community has very few heroes to look up to in terms of longstanding relationships that are healthy. Take the time to Google or web search the words “black gay men” and see how little is available in terms of positive information around healthy relationships. However, the amount of sex sites and sex info is dramatically high. On any given night in New York City, Atlanta, and Washington D.C. has between 1200 and 1500 men online at a time looking for connections of some kind, The number one reason people are online is because of boredom and “hunger of intimacy, followed by horniness, and information. 

The fact is that we need to find a way to express love to one another that is not purely sexual. I am working fervently to create a healthy sexuality and relationship retreat for men of same-sex desires. I also believe that we need to learn to create more alternatives for people of color that experience same sex desires that are open to all who really want to be apart, besides bars, clubs, and sex parties, which all have there places within the culture we call our own. My challenge to my community is to become a force of change and not complainers. I want to find couples who have been together for 10 years and longer to celebrate their anniversaries. This is what we all need to be apart of to begin to evolve our relationships and sexual natures to make healthier decisions.

I love sex, hell I am a sex therapist, but I also know that we all need connections, however we must create the boundaries and a new visual future that evolves our relationships as we evolve our technology.