There is no hiding the homophobia that continues to exist in the black community. With male entertainers furthering outdated stereotypes of the sissy or hyper-realized caricatures of the sassy black woman (hidden under the guise of the man-in-a-dress comedy routine) people see these as truths to what and who black gay men are and how black gay men behave.

While there are definitely black gay men who are extremely effeminate, it is not the whole of the community. We are just as diverse as any other community, including that from which we come. As with the recent presidential election, we’re finding more black Republicans in a culture that has been dominated in the twentieth century by the Democratic Party. Our sports heroes are leading the way on the golf courses and speed skating rinks as opposed to only the basketball courts and football fields. Our contribution to the arts continues to inspire classical ballet dancers and opera singers, as well as incredible crossover influence as is reflected by MTV’s hip hop promotions, BET’s, the WB’s and UPN’s original programming, and the myriad mutations of Gospel. Yet an internal racially-charged homophobia prohibits us as African-Americans to support and accept our gay brothers and sisters, forcing them to live lives of deception, self-hate, or exile.

The awareness of bisexual men in the black community has risen in recent years thanks to insider tell-all books sparking frank discussions on afternoon talk shows about the “Down Low”, or DL, subculture. Rates of newly diagnosed HIV infected women are highest among African-American women, and this statistic only accounts for those who have been tested. Partial blame for this has been attributed to husbands, boyfriends or male sexual partners who live the DL lifestyle. But one has to wonder, would this be happening if the black community were accepting of its gay brothers and sisters? Would men who desire sex with other men play Russian roulette with their health as well as the health of others? Would they knowingly engage in risky behaviors that could potentially drastically change the quality of life of them and those they might infect?

The closet is a powerful thing. Many have used it to protect themselves from social abandonment, fearing separation from loved ones and being shunned in their respective communities. We see it in the entertainment industry, on the athletic field, and in many other high-visibility areas. We celebrate those who achieve, regardless of gender or sexuality, provided they don’t publicly cross certain boundaries or fall into taboo behaviors.

Critics often say that there is a certain desire by members of the gay community to fulfill fantasies whereof the object is a celebrity. While it may be true that the rumor mill is often unfair and unsubstantiated there are those who would argue that certain things cannot be ignored nor overlooked in regards to possible consideration of a person’s sexual orientation.

While in college I had the opportunity to listen to a speaker from Washington, DC. He spoke on a theory surrounding sexuality, breaking it down into three components: sexual orientation; sexual behavior; and sexual attitude. He defined them as such:

1)  Sexual orientation is what a person is born, whether heterosexual or homosexual. This is part of the genetic makeup and cannot be changed.

2)  Sexual behavior is how the person chooses to act out. A person can have a homosexual orientation but behave and live as a heterosexual. Prime examples would be the large number of bisexuals who have relationships, to include sexual intimacy, with members of both genders. It also might explain the rise in visibility of men and women who come out later in life after living in long-term heterosexual relationships, sometimes even marriages producing children.

3)  Sexual attitude is what a person thinks about their sexuality and how they want to be perceived. A person can be heterosexual and embrace homosexuality as a supportive ally or homosexual and staunchly anti-gay. An example would be a gay man who identifies as “straight-acting” and does not participate in an active gay lifestyle (such as going out to gay bars or participating in gay social and/or political events). In extreme cases some of these men are closeted and pass for straight, working hard to not disclose their true nature. In some cases they may not have gay friends or be a part of a gay social network. It can possibly explain the internal component of self-hatred and internalized homophobia, not barring external influences from life experience (i.e. religious beliefs, deep-rooted cultural traditions, family and environment, etc).

With this understanding one can then hypothesize that sexuality is not a definite but a continuum with many people floating across very blurry lines, a topic much examined and studied by researchers like Kinsey and Masters and Johnson. The drunken experiment in college, the bi-curious looking for a hook-up and other examples illustrate how this can play out. But my question is: if someone is truly repulsed by the sexual act, how, then, does a few cans of beer suddenly make it okay? I wonder if the truth is that the desire is always there, that it is a part of a person’s makeup, and that various societal and cultural pressures don’t allow for open self-discovery and evaluation. After all, there are a vast number of heterosexuals who choose not to marry or have long-term relationships, or even abstain altogether from sexual activity. Who’s to say that the same thing wouldn’t be true for some homosexuals as well?

There are some DL men who are exclusive in their sexual lives, rarely or never engaging in relationships or sex with women, yet they still claim to not be gay. There is a difference with being in the closet versus claiming to not be gay. In my neighborhood there are men who watch me walk, who scope me up and down when I get on the bus. Am I flattered? Yes. Do I sometimes fear for my life? Most certainly. But there are so many DL brothers I see riding the subways, walking down the street, hanging out on the stoops of their apartment buildings, not to mention trolling the internet for sex that it’s ridiculous this notion that they are not a part of a gay albeit closeted lifestyle.

In the DL online personal ad the usual requests include: hangin’, chillin’, play station, and smokin’ some trees. Is getting high the beer equivalent for the DL man to have permission to explore without guilt or responsibility? It continues, “No fats, no fems, only real niccas”. Some even go so far as to advertise that they, themselves, are thugs or very thuggish, and the accompanying pictures, if not of body parts, usually explicit, show them in baggy pants, baseball caps and doo-rags, and team jerseys. (I often wonder for those who are brave enough to post their private parts online for the whole universe to see who: is their photographer? I can’t imagine them asking their girlfriends or wives, and I would think it would be an odd request to ask of a good friend or relative without having to first answer a litany of questions.)

But what is more to the point, they almost always select the “not out” option and go on to say in their blurb that they are on the DL with a girlfriend who doesn’t know or something similar. And I’ve even read ads where it was specifically stated that the seeker, because they aren’t gay, did not want to be pursued by those “faggot asses” and other such deprecating terminology. Hmm, faggot asses? Then why do you advertise a huge endowment and disclose your knowledge on certain sexual acts if you are so ignorant and opposed to the “lifestyle”?

I’m sure there are those who would ask, “Why is it so important for a person to identify?” My response would be simply: because people, young and old, are dying as a result of this internal bigotry and self-hatred.

The hope that young people would cease attempts at suicide for “being different” continues to dimly glow amid the ever-increasing anti-gay sentiment. Recent strides forward for Gay Rights and Equality has only made more visible the anti-gay movement that continues to treat us as non-citizens. The past presidential election saw Gay Marriage turned into a major distraction from a failing and unnecessary war in Iraq. The number of primetime gay characters in comedies and dramas has decreased and the most recent show to be centered around a gay character on major network television, while winning several Emmies, is no longer on the air. Several school districts are rethinking protective rights for gay and lesbian students and in some cases support for gay and lesbian student programs has diminished or even disappeared.

The number of student anti-gay violence seems to rise though it goes uncovered in mainstream media. America celebrated the life of Matthew Shepard, a white gay man who was brutally attacked and later died as a result of extreme violence and abuse because of his sexuality. Yet not long after nationwide coverage of his death two more individuals, a trans-gendered Navaho teen and black New Jersey lesbian were both brutally attacked and killed. There was little press, there were no award-winning plays or TV movies, no nationwide candlelight vigils with cover after cover on national periodicals, both lesbian and gay as well as mainstream, which continued throughout the years that followed. If we as a gay and lesbian community cannot value our own people of color in crisis, how do we expect us as a black community to overcome years of subterfuge and subliminal anti-gay programming and reverse these awful and damaging messages to honor and properly grieve those who were taken too soon for something beyond their control?

Since the late 1960’s and the Stonewall Rebellion, America’s attitude has become relatively more tolerant towards gays and lesbians. There has been a rise in benefits for same-sex couples and adoption is slowly opening its doors. Neighborhoods are becoming more diverse to include gays and lesbians, and the media is beginning to take responsible approaches to its representation and inclusion of gays and lesbians. But the African-American community continues to sit at the back of the bus.

A debate that continues, albeit a quiet one, revolves around Bayard Rustin, a key player of the 1960’s Civil Rights Movement. It is said he was discouraged from being too public about his homosexuality for fear of alienation and losing support for the movement. Yet his talents were fully taken advantage of. Only now, almost forty years after the fact, are we learning that he was not only a black hero (and key to the success of the Civil Rights movement) but a gay one as well. The paradox seems almost hypocritical when you think that we as black folk are quick to point out all the overlooked contributions made by us for this nation and its people, but just as quick to sweep under the rug or lock away with no key the personal stories behind some of these brilliant and courageous men and women who happened to be gay. But that is also a part of the culture of America. Only now, almost forty years since her death are we unlocking secrets to explain the mysterious death of Marilyn Monroe. And the death of John F. Kennedy will probably never be uncovered in our lifetime. Secrets and lies.

So with black men who are on the DL is it that this society of secrets and lies keeps them alive? Possibly. Gay bashings and hate crimes haven’t gone anywhere. They just don’t make good copy, apparently. People debate whether or not it can be proved that a person perpetrates a violent act against another because of assumed orientation. But I’m sure that if a person, or persons, is shouting anti-gay epithets while pummeling their intended target, well, seems obvious to me.

And it’s not only bashings and violent acts that require hiding. Is our value and interpretation of masculinity a by-product of slavery-era mentality? Back when we were considered property in the early history of the United States part of our value was placed on our productivity, both in the fields and out. How physically strong were we, how many children could we father, what was our resiliency and how much physically could we endure? Weakness was not only seen as a character flaw, but also as a loss financially. Did women who were bred with these strong bucks begin to associate subconsciously this apparent tie-in with survival?

Behavioral Sociologists and Anthropologists discuss the internal programming of sexual attraction over the ages. The physical cues that ensure the gene pool will continue; the social etiquette that initiates coupling and mating. Today, instances of this primal programming can be seen in the multiplicity of parentage. Many women are having children with several men who carry traits that they admire and want to pass on in their children. It’s no longer uncommon to find a woman with three or four children or more with different fathers for most or all. For men it remains a badge of honor, a prideful boast, but even this can be traced to almost an animalistic survival instinct. To father several children, let alone with many different women, seems to speak to some hidden understanding that this man is a stud. He has perpetuated his seed to insure the future generations of his genetic lineage. He becomes the leader of the pack, if you will, or the dominant male.

So maybe the thinking goes that a gay male cannot do this, and, therefore is of no use.

But if we look at our history pre-European invasion of the African continent, we discover that gay and lesbian people served vital roles in many different African societies and cultures. Much like Native Americans and the two-spirit people, these Africans held prominent positions in their respective groupings, from griots (storytellers and historians), healers and shaman, to religious elders and political aides and leaders. It wasn’t until Europeans introduced Western religion that native African cultures, much like Native American cultures, began to see their homosexual neighbor as negative and, in some cases, evil.

There is a lot of baggage still associated with being gay in America, but the bigotry and hatred crosses many borders within the African Diaspora. In many Caribbean cultures, machismo is greatly celebrated, so much so that many island inhabitants will tell you that there are no gay natives. From Bermuda to the Dominican Republic, Jamaica and all points in-between, gay men are seen as less than human, a concept, despite America’s own treatment of gays and lesbians, we can’t seem to grasp.

Recently, Terri McMillan divorced her husband of several years because he came out of the closet. He was born and raised in Jamaica. In an exclusive interview with her he discussed that his severe repression brought on by cultural influences led to his own denial of who he was as a gay man, and that it wasn’t until he came to America and had freedom to act and explore that he did just so. Terri had trouble understanding this, but having spoken with many gay men from the Caribbean as well as Africa I have heard story after story of violence perpetrated against openly- or suspected gay men. I have heard stories of social shunning and excommunication, and most recently the media reported the very public anti-gay violence of two New Yorkers visiting a Caribbean island. Is it any wonder why so many black men are afraid to make their predilections known?

The DL lifestyle isn’t going away. There is too much at stake for the men who practice it. And there is also an allure to the gay men who encourage it. The DL man is typically macho, tough, manly, thuggish, and hard. They are our version of the perpetual “bad boy” that many straight women find themselves attracted to and fantasizing about. But the negatives of the DL lifestyle include very risky sexual behaviors that have put our black women and children at risk.

There is no known cure for HIV/AIDS and prevention can only do so much. Too many people are fooled into thinking that HIV/AIDS is akin to catching a bad cold or temporary illness like strep throat. The reality is: people may be living longer, healthier lives with HIV but people are also still dying.

When all is said and done, I wonder if there is a lack of love for our black men. Have we set them up to fail, giving them the impossible tasks of providing for, being a role model to, breaking the barriers of? Have we placed too much behavioral emphasis on what it is to be a man and broken their spirit so much so that they have forgotten emotionally and spiritually what it is to be a man, to include loving other men?

If we continue to allow negative messages about black gay people to flourish in the community, we must be ready to accept the deaths that are sure to come.

It’s an interesting phenomenon that the black community, though reluctantly, is much more accepting of our lesbian sisters, the exception being the lesbian who adopts masculine behaviors and styles of dress. And even then, there are those circles to whom these masculine women are seen as “one of the boys”. In my neighborhood I’ve met several out lesbians, a very diverse cross-section, to include an older couple who do their laundry and shopping together. The gay men look the other way when I pass by.

An anecdote: not too long ago a black woman contacted me via my personal ad on an international online dating website. She left a cryptic message with a phone number urging me to call her. Reluctantly I did. For some reason I felt it was the right thing to do. When she answered she launched into her story, first explaining that I seemed non-threatening and like someone who would understand and be able to explain things to her. The short story: her fiancé, an older man (she is in her early-forties), had a stash of sex toys and enjoyed watching gay porn. He also enjoyed being anally stimulated. She wondered whether or not he might be gay. Since they were engaged, this was obviously a big issue. The advice I gave her, without trying to sway her one way or another, was to follow and trust her instincts. If it walks, talks and acts like a duck, well you know the rest. I don’t know what she decided, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he, under an assumed, picture-less profile, might be trolling for the real thing.

Unfortunately we can’t expect our famous black men to come out and positively claim their gayness, be out and proud, until we make it safe for them. If we can’t give that safety and respect to these men in the spotlight, how can we do it for the men on our block? And not until we as a community of people from many different backgrounds and cultures, united in our origin from the shores of Africa, begin to love all of who we are and make a place at this very large table will there be the glimmer of hope to repress, if not reverse, this systematic genocide that is attacking our mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, wives, and the like. Maybe one day there will be no more need for the term, DL. Until then, we must continue to educate and not discriminate.