After awhile you must realize that you will feel the flutters of anticipation and excitement at the prospect of a new romance. You are anticipating spending time with someone talking on the phone till all hours of the night, knowing your ass should be in the bed because you have to get up at 6:00 in the morning. Someone who you can share romantic dates with. Yeah, all that bullshit. Then the thought hits you: How do I prepare myself for the long strokes and pokes in the bed?!

Of course you’ll be nervous. If there was only one person stroking and vibrating those special spots, you already know a new person is going to make you have to step up your game. You might love your mate, but when you’ve been having sex to the same person for over a year, the sex becomes a little predictable:

1. Lick
2. Suck
3. Prep
4. Poke
5. Race to the finish line

But here are some tips to get your nerves in check and discover a way to enjoy intimacy the next time around:

Don’t play mind games with yourself. The other person who you are engaging in these intimate acts with is nervous as well. You are two people who have been in a university of Love and Relationship for the past few years. You must treat yourself- and the other person- with gentleness, humor and respect due a fellow veteran of the trenches.

Talking about your hesitancies helps. Don’t fake it. Keep it real, keep it true. Sharing your concerns out loud will help establish the emotional intimacy that leads to a better physical connection.

Don’t believe there’s a rule book you didn’t get. This is a big one, and I must write it here with caution. There is no script. Don’t worry about your used to do back in the day (if you have been in a relationship for the past 6 to 10 years). There really is no way a new relationship or its physical aspect has to be anything but what you and your “love-buddy” create. In some cases, throw those notions of third-date rules and two-day waits between phone calls in the trash. Have fun, damnit!

Develop a dialogue about what feels good. When in doubt, don’t assume—ask! Please don’t think that this new person is your old partner. This is a new person, and regardless to what Mr. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, says, examine old assumptions that “Men always…” or “Women never…” Keep it real, keep it true(Trew).

Experiment. Who gives a damn about how you used to do it (whatever “it” is) with your ex? You put your old ways in the drawer, cauldron pot, or where ever your old photos and letters are. Start anew. Start fresh. Discover something totally different about yourself, because you are now with someone who is totally different as well. Experiment with him/her. Explore yourself.