By Janelle Oswald

“It’s not that I’m not attracted to black men,” says TV host Trisha Goddard ,“but I have never dated a black man before because they were not apart of my social circle.”

The Channel Five queen of daytime talk television who has just been made 08 Ambassador for Liverpool, the European Capital of Culture, says that she has never experienced a relationship with a “person of colour” because she never knew any growing up. “ In my hometown it was just me, my sisters and my mum. There were no more black people, it was just us.”

In an open and frank discussion, the mother of two teenage girls comes clean and explains that her mother’s attitude towards black men was very negative, which had a profound effect on her.

Born in Hackney, east London in 1957, to a white English father and black Dominican mother, who were both psychiatric nurses, Goddard was the eldest (and “ugliest, and darkest-skinned”, she says) of four sisters.

She grew up mainly in Virginia Water, Surrey, where there were no other black people. But she remembers on a school holiday once seeing a black air stewardess in uniform, and being very startled, “ I had a stereotypical view of black people apart from me – I used to think that they threw stones and lived in huts.”

Familiar with the term ‘angry black women’ syndrome in reference to the new film/documentary that’s got the global black community buzzing - ‘Dairy of a Tired Black Man’- Goddard explained that she often saw the ‘angry black woman’ characteristics played out by her mother.

“When my mother came over to the UK from Dominica in the ‘50s she made the decision to marry a white man because she had such downers on black men and viewed a lot of them as being promiscuous with kids by different women.”

“ My mother was apart of that Windrush generation that wanted to assimilate as fast as possible. They wanted to give their children very English names, straighten their hair and get them to marry white, which they coined as ‘marrying up.’ All my mother’s friends were the same.”

“Once my mother ‘married up’ she moved outside of London and became like many of her friends the only black person in their postcode. The plusses were that they learnt to ‘fit in’ very quickly but like a lot of first generation immigrants they moved away from their roots.”

Reminiscing on her youth, the 50-year-old TV presenter whose show has been called a cross between Jerry Springer and Oprah Winfrey, recalls when she began to relax her hair and travel by train to visit the famed hairdressers Splinters in London’s West End.

“I used to sit in the chair with such excitement because I never came across black people in my hometown and my only association with black people especially women was through hair. I used to sit in my salon chair with my eyes opened like stalks. I wanted to learn everything black. I loved hearing the stories told in different accents and I never wanted my hair appointments to end.”

Coming from a strong matriarchal family where she did not know her grandfather and had no uncles, male cousins or brothers, Goddard reluctantly admits that her mother ‘s attitude towards black men and her lack of social skills around black people made it hard for her to relate to them.

“I can remember going to a West Indian party in London and when I came across black guys and heard all the black music I was in total shock! My mother did not listen to Calypso or Reggae, just Country and Western. I was not accustomed to that part of my cultural identity despite being half West Indian.”

Continuing she said: “I never really thought about myself not dating black men before, until now, but my mother’s views on black culture and black men must have had a physiological effect on me.”

Laughing out loud, Goddard added: “I do remember once being crazy about a black American while on holiday in LA but nothing ever happened.”

The flip-coin to Goddard’s love life however has been far from any Mills & Boon romance novels and reads more like a script from Eastenders. Goddard's life as she tells it in fluent psychobabble would easily furnish the material for three-dozen Trisha shows.

She was beaten as a child, which made her in turn a sucker for abusive boyfriends. She talks about 'abusive relationship number 6,420' and says that if you lined up all the men she dated, it would look like an encyclopaedia illustration of the ascent of man. She only encountered homo sapiens with her present husband, Peter Gianfrancesco, head of mental health charity, Mind in Norfolk, but before she was stuck with Neanderthals for a very long time.

“ If you were beaten as a child by a domineering father, you tend to confuse love and violence - 'Daddy loves you, but he smacks you, and he can shout at you and smash things, but Daddy still loves you. So when you get into a relationship with someone who does all of that, why would it be unusual?”

Her first marriage was with a closet gay, which made her pack her bags and move to Australia in 1985 where she had a big society wedding and started her TV career. Goddard’s TV career launched straight into success with her becoming a news and current affairs reporter for SBS TV followed by becoming a popular presenter with Australia’s Play School for ten years. During this time, she also landed the prestigious job of presenter on ABC’s primetime current affairs programme but while her professional life was in blissful heaven, her marriage was in hell and ended within a few months.

Goddard subsequently discovered – but only after his death some years later – that Robert had died of AIDs and not leukaemia but by that time she had a new partner, Mark Greive, and a baby daughter. She took an AIDSs test and faced an agonising wait until the family were given the all clear.

Following a true soap-opera script her second husband betrayed her while she was pregnant with their second daughter. In retrospect Goddard claims that she only married husband number two because she was addicted to marijuana - when she stopped she realised that he was never around.

In a twisted tale of irony, one of the researchers on her TV programme who sarcastically suggested she should do a show about 'high-powered TV women whose husbands screw other girls' and her husband, when confronted, admitted that he was having an affair with the researcher. Goddard sacked them both.

Putting on a brave face however, finally caught up with Goddard especially due to the suicide death of her sister who poured petrol over herself and she took an overdose and spent four months in psychiatric hospital.

“When you’re inside a mental institute you never think you are going to come out. I was in a very dark place but I knew I had to be strong not just for myself but also for my kids. While I was recovering I heard that a journalist had found out about my situation and was going to spill the beans and I was like hell no I’m in control of my life so I am going to write the story first.”

Hearing the uneasiness in her voice as she remembers her dismal past, Goddard stated: “still to this day people always applaud me for my braveness in speaking out about my mental health problems. Folk especially within the black community don’t like to talk about mental illness but it is very important to address these issues.” Now an expert in mental health care, Goddard added: “if you don’t address mental health issues you will never find solutions.”

Giving up her Australian television career – Goddard was the first black anchorwoman on Australian TV -she focused on bringing up her two daughters and stayed in therapy but, cupid eventually fired his third arrow and she met her present husband.

Seven months later, Goddard got the call from Anglia Television and the chance for her, Peter, and daughters Billie and Madi to start a new life in Britain.

"I had my last session of therapy the morning I got on the flight to England," said Goddard. "I’ve never known so much happiness as I have now, but I continue to have to work at keeping myself mentally healthy."

Happily living in an eight-bedroom mansion with a private swimming pool Goddard now resides back in Norfolk her hometown, a place she swore she would never return to.

“I always promised that I would ever come back to this area due to the racism I experienced in my youth but in hindsight I am glad that I have because the best revenge in life is to be successful,” she laughs.

Enquiring where her strength comes from Goddard replies. “That’s one part of my Caribbean culture my mother instilled in me – strength! What does not kill you will only make you stronger and I intend to pass my strength to my daughters.”

Noticing the energy gaining back strength in her voice, Goddard said: “I strong believe that one of the best qualities that black women have, which I feel I possess is resilience! If we as black women could bottle it and sell it we would all be millionaires and this is one of the best characteristics that we could pass on to our children.”

“My whole life has been a struggle – from my childhood to my relationships and marriages. Yes I have achieved a lot but not without a fight. When I lived in Australia I was constantly told to go back to wherever I came from. They did not want a darkie on their TV screen but hey I’ve survived like Gloria Gaynor.”

Acknowledging that she came into her culture late in life, Goddard states very clearly to The Voice that she is proud to be black. “I love being a black woman and I’m very proud of my heritage. The good thing about being a late starter is that I can see both sides of my cultural make-up and I don’t feel an allegiance to one side of my heritage over another.”

The owner of her own production company Town House TV which makes her daily talk show for Five - Trisha Goddard, a weekly writer for the Eastern Daily Press Magazine and having just signed her first year-long contract as a radio presenter on Merseyside station City Talk 105.9, Goddard is still raising the bar. “I know I am a career driven monster but that’s what keeps me in line,” she says with conviction.

With the launch of her new fitness DVD coming out this month and her autobiography blowing in the wind for Easter, Goddard concludes the interview by saying. “One of my favourite bands is called Bluezeum and they have a single called ‘Just Another Day.’ There lyrics echoes my mantra –‘if your life is full if bread crumbs make an appetiser and if you life is full of sh** make fertiliser.”

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