Upon finally deciding to make my move from New York City to Charlotte, North Carolina also known as the Queen City, I didn't know what to except and I was pleasantly surprised when I was the new kid on the block. It's not everyday when a 40 plus some guy is called a "kid" on any level. A friend of mine mentioned a website, where you could shop around abundantly for friends or friends with benefits or even someone to date with the possibility of becoming lovers.

As soon as I created my screen name, it was like a moth to a flame. Almost immediately, I received e-mails from boys, who were 18, 19 years old to men who were 50 plus. It felt great to know that someone had read my profile and that I was still marketable. The married men, the bi-sexual men and, of course, the famous "down low" brothers who for some reason feel that if you appear heterosexual it makes you less homosexual, and finally the few gay guys who are comfortable within their own skin and couldn't understand why I would move from "live and let live" New York City, to bible belt Charlotte, North Carolina. All beckoned to spend some time with me. Since I was uncomfortable with having guest over to my new home so quickly, I was told that I had trust issues because I was from the Big Apple. Probably true but whatever.

The first encounter, the gentleman told me that he was 48, however, he didn't say when he was 48. When he arrived at my door, I knew that 48 was probably 10 years ago. After we played around sexually, safe, he decided to mention that he's married and even invited me to attend church with him and his wife. I thought this was too crazy for me, so I told him, "thanks but no thanks." I was not going to live my new life as someone's secret friend with benefits. I wouldn't want that to be done to my sister, nieces or female cousins. Trust me, what goes around comes around.

Out of boredom, I went back to the site, to do searches of every kind. The first one was "black only", then white only", then from age 30, then the "HIV positive", to the "I don't know", "negative" to, "negative and I want to stay that way, but I want raw sex, lets party." I couldn't believe what I was discovering. The search of men who are HIV poz, only 8 screen names came up. This was impossible, especially when the free love was coming in every direction. Could it be that "The Queen City", had found a cure for HIV/AIDS, or maybe the cure was in the water or something. It didn't take a fool to realize that a whole lot of folks are lying about being HIV and about being straight. Don't get me wrong, HIV/AIDS has effected our straight brothers and sisters, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, our babies etc. Could it be because our brothers and sisters of color are too afraid to face the reality that just because you don't acknowledge it, don't discuss it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

Don't get me wrong I totally understand why many would lie about their status, no one wants rejection. However, the more you learn about this condition, the more comfortable you will be. We have got to open our minds, our hearts and embrace and, not hate, HIV/AIDS survivors. The number of survivors are changing, and its becoming more like someone who has high blood pressure or of those who are diabetic. By today's numbers everyone knows someone who's HIV positive and under doctor's care if its discovered that you are positive, with new med's, you will have a fighting chance.

Now its time to educate ourselves. It's time to reach out of our comfort zones and let that brother, that sister, that father, mother know that we are all in this thing together. And if you are interested in someone on the romantic level, he or she will be honest enough to say, "Yes, I'm positive." If you are playing it safe, this shouldn't be a problem.

Every encounter should be played safe. However there are doctors, preachers who have said that safe sex is no sex. So the next best thing is to be prepared. Carry condoms in your wallet, your pocket book or on your person. And open up to each other and talk, learn and support each other. Brothers use the love muscles on your shoulders instead of what's between your legs. Sisters because he looks fine, that "don't mean jack." Be aware, show unconditional love, be a light in someone's life and celebrate living.