Lord, the first thing I realize is that I am totally powerless to make anything happen. I give up all sense of control or influence over my life. I simply make myself available and open to your Spirit for whatever occurs; I am not attached to the outcome. I glory in knowing that when You work through me whatever the outcome, it will be good -- and for my good.
Because of my chaos I have unintentionally harmed and hurt other people. I have used people for my personal pleasure and to make myself look good or feel good. Without regard to other people’s needs or self worth, I have made promises to them that I didn’t keep; I have pretended to love them when I really only loved what I could get from them. I have been unfaithful and untrustworthy, although I have expected the opposite qualities from my partners.
Lord, as I think about it, perhaps the very qualities I am looking for in other people are qualities I don’t show to other people.
In fact as much as I hate to be stood up, I have stood up other people;
as much as I hate to be cheated on, I have cheated on other people;
as much as I hate to be lied to, I have lied to other people;
as much as I hate for people to be superficial with me, I have been superficial with other people;
as much as I hate to not be listened to, I have not really listened to other people;
as much as I hate to not be understood and appreciated, I have not really tried to understand and appreciate other people;
Maybe it’s not so much about being gay; my straight friends have these same problems. I just have an additional layer of doubt because they tell me the way I feel is
an abomination….
a sin…
unnatural.
Perhaps the sin and abomination is in the life I have been living, Lord, which -- along with my straight friends -- leaves You out. You promised in Matthew 6:33 that if we would seek the Kingdom of Heaven First all things will be added unto us. Instead, we have been seeking our own pleasures and pursuing our own agendas first. What has been added unto us has been grief, confusion, and chaos…
…maybe I just need a healing for my soul
In the Words of
I’ve been broken hearted
torn apart
If I can only touch You
You’ll exchange my issues for Your virtue
I need a healing for my soul