He thought that Jalil was possibly the most perfect specimen of a man that he had seen outside of a magazine or movie. After their initial meeting, they started "hanging out", and before long, wound up sleeping together. Marc admits that the sex wasn't bad, but most of his attraction was due to Jalil's body.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and if Marc had been paying attention he would have seen red flags coming full force. Still, even if he had a glimpse of Jalil's true character, he doesn't think that it would have deterred him from pursuing him. There was a rugged sexiness about Jalil that drew Marc in; sucking him up like a blade of grass in a twister's vortex.

Over the next few weeks, Jalil's interest in Marc began to wane. Phone calls became infrequent and time spent together came even less. Everything came to a head when Marc asked Jalil what was wrong. Jalil's response was that he just wasn't "into" Marc. He went on to say that he was never "feeling" Marc the way that Marc was feeling him, but they could still "kick it" every now and then.

Marc was furious. He asked Jalil to leave and to never call him again. Jalil shrugged his shoulders and left without another word. A few days after that, Marc broke down and called Jalil, leaving a message on his voice message stating that he missed him. He had hoped that the time spent apart would make Jalil want him. It didn't. And here's the sad part: for about a week and a half, (give or take a day or two), Marc spiraled into a depression. He wondered what he did that would make Jalil not want to be with him. After all, in the beginning, hadn't it been good? Hadn't the sex been okay? Didn't the time shared and spent mean anything at all? The answer was "yes" - to all of the above. To Marc, all of that mattered…keywords being "To Marc".

When he got over his anger, Marc had to ask himself why he picked the wrong man…again. His history has been one where for the last few years, (five to be exact), he continuously and without fail picked the wrong man to hook up with in the hopes of making the relationship more than what it was. When he asked himself why he picked the wrong guy, he couldn't answer the question.

I told him that in order to answer the question why you keep picking the wrong guy, you should look back at the last successful relationship you had with a man and work your way forward from there. Your last partner…what was he like? Does he remotely resemble any of the men that you've been pursuing? And if he does, cool. All that means is that you like, (or at least in Marc's case), a muscular man. Ask yourself what you're looking for in the men you're chasing after. Are you looking for the same traits that you had in your last relationship? Or maybe the good feeling that you had in your relationship when everything was good. If you are, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you know that everyone is different including yourself. The dynamic between you and your former partner isn't going to be the same as the dynamic between you and someone else, even if that person appears to have the exact same personality traits that your ex partner had.

In Marc's case, he was looking for someone that he could form a long-term bond with; someone that he thought wanted the same things that he wanted. He told me that he wasn't looking for his ex in any of the new men he was dating. Or was he? When I asked him what he was looking for in a man, he told me that he wanted someone that had a job, had goals, was intelligent, had a nice body…and all I could say was "not bad". Sounds like something that most of want. So I asked him if the guy didn't have a nice body, would he even talk to him. His response was "maybe", which I took to mean "no". And maybe that's part of the problem.

There are a lot of really great guys out there that don't have thirty-two inch waistlines and a chest that makes you automatically want to suck on it. There are plenty of intelligent men out there who want to hang out at home, watch a movie, go out on a date and take their time to get to know you. But you have to want to get to know a person to find this out.

There is nothing wrong with a pretty face or a rockin' body, as long as you both know what you want from each other. And that's where the dying art of communication steps in. There's nothing wrong with hooking with a man that visually appealing, as long as you do it safely and know that it's just a hook up.

Some people go into hook ups thinking that it's going to turn into a long lasting love affair; and when it doesn't, they get jaded and ask where are all the good men.

The answer? They're everywhere. They're the ones that friends introduce you to. It's the guy you see while grabbing a cup of coffee or picking up a video. He's the scruffy guy doing his laundry approximately two rows over from you at the Laundromat.

It's time that we realize that if we're in a cycle of picking the wrong guy, then we need to ask ourselves why, and conduct an honest self-analysis. Once we understand ourselves, we can make better choices. Once we slow down the meeting process and hone our communication skills, we'll find out more about ourselves and the other person, and that will help us go into situations with a clear mind and realistic expectations. We'll know if this is a hook up or the beginning of the "real deal'. After all, no one likes to get blindsided, and isn't there more to a person than beautiful body parts?

I know that this is over-simplifying a complex problem and by no means am I suggesting that all of us are trying to turn a one night (or in some cases) one hour affair into the love of a lifetime. Whatever the reasons why we pick the wrong man, look in yourself, not just at yourself. Be honest with what you're looking for…and if what you're finding right now isn't working, change it. What do you have to lose?