So the world is in complete and utter turmoil, as usual. People are getting burned alive and hacked to death in churches, decapitated in the name of God, and if I sat here and listed every possible dilemma, I'd need a fresh pack of cigarettes and a pot of coffee.

One of the dilemmas is the fact that we still hate each other. The recent killing of a 15 year old in California might be the first to come to mind, as it should, but that's not exactly what I had in mind...

Actually, I might as well vent for a minute. News of that tragedy pissed me the **** off, true story. It reminded me of what my mother always used to say, and when I told her, she said, "That's why I always worry [about me]." She'd often tell me that she couldn't pick up the NYC newspaper they'd have at work, because a lot of the descriptions fit my profile perfectly. She would think, Maybe they can't contact me, thinking I was dead every other day and no one knew how to find her from 3 hours away. Her worst fear was that someone was going to push me onto a subway track.

 

Lawrence King

Anyway, I'm about to be 25 in April. I have a ten year advantage over Lawrence, may he rest in peace, and that didn't make any sense to me. Because I've been through hell and high water, more often because I was gay rather than because I was Black. But I'm still here...

Lawrence can't say the same. Why? Because some punk m*********a was so offended that another boy asked him to be his Valentine that he brought a gun to school and shot him. I never came on to a straight boy before, but the last time somebody called me a n*****r (funny, I was 15 at the time), needless to say those were fighting words. And that's exactly what went down. I got my nose broken, but he probably forgot about the whole situation after all these years, and I personally think it's funny that the dumb White jock (yes, he was dumb as HELL!) that looked like a toad is probably to this day trying to impress the other kids that swore up and down they were Black. Whether I'm right or wrong, I can think whatever I want about him...because I'm alive to tell the story. ~We FOUGHT, damn it. So I don't see why people have forgotten what that means, no matter what was said to the other person.~

But whatever. I love karma...it works its magic in all situations. Hence the justice in the matter; the kid that killed Lawrence was found guilty instead of getting a slap on the wrist.

Which leads me to the hate that we face in our own community, and this stuff really makes absolutely no sense to me.

Straight VS Gay
Black VS Gay (I don't know which one is worst, straight or Black!)
DL/Masculine men VS Feminine men...

Who've obviously forgotten the hell and high water we face as a whole, and the fact that it's pretty much us against the world...and they're treating each other like shit.

The gay community--Black, White, whatever--is filled with Perez Hiltons, who swear up and down they're more like Paris (who more often than not, need a wall of mirrors and a reality check). It's wannabe socialite nonsense to the second power, true story.

A friend of mine recently decided that he was going to be the same way, which had me HIGHLY upset, because the way he's acting and treating people now is the exact opposite of how he really is, and we both know it. As a matter of fact, when he was younger, he couldn't take the way people treated him to no end, particularly because of his facial features. He's got sort of a...Puerto Rican/Asian thing going on, I guess. Me, I think he's cute. The rest of the world, however, pushed him to the edge and he ended up trying to gouge out his eyes.

Therefore, years lat, in order to "survive in this [gay] life," he has to act like a "b***h"? Needless to say, I went off. But that was his reason, and he said he loved me because I'm one of the few people that still has a good heart.

And yet, every time I see him post another bulletin on MySpace, and reading all the stuff he says about pointing people out and telling them about them selves (Club Krash is supposedly an upscale socialite club these days, so he claims, and basically, you MUST be sexy, and you "can't be caught wearing last season shit"), I finally just gave up. Not on him, I just didn't bother to say anything anymore. I just wish he was the same person that came to my birthday party, and not like every other "shady faggot," as the popular term defines.

Yes, I may be on a rant, but this is something else that pissed me off a while ago, and still bothers me to this day. I'll give you an example as to why...

Imagine going to Africa, expecting to walk into the utopia of Black people. Why did you go there to begin with? Probably because it's filled with "your people," right? You should feel welcomed, appreciated, loved, and above all else, RESPECTED.

The Village in NYC has the same concept. It's supposed to be a place where New Yorkers can get away from the world, whether you decide to go in jeans and sneakers, or a dress and some "ovah" pumps. But, remember the captain of the cheerleading squad? Or the trio of the prettiest girls in school? Yeah, the ones that always looked at any and everybody, even the ones that looked (and acted) ten times better than them, and acted like their worthless target came straight out of the sewers?

Now throw some penises on those girls, give them some color, and fill up 85% of the ethnic gay population (lol), not just NYC.

I just can't understand it. Back in the day, when we were repressed, hated, and attacked, we (Black men, period) stuck together. Granted, we still have Black on Black crime, but now, seeing it everywhere I turn, on the Internet and in life, I see nothing but men calling each other f****ts, knowing good and well they love the same thing as every other gay/bisexual man, and the ones that are being called f****ts are calling each other things that have made my mouth drop too many times, based on how they look (it seems beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder anymore), how they present themselves (a.k.a. label w****s), and whether or not your shoes cost more than a house.

The way Perez treats celebrities (not to their faces of course) is the same way we're treating each other, if not worst, and I've just about had enough.