He shares his personal journey which has its extremely sensitive moments. His story is more than who's living life in or out of the closet. At the completion of his autobiography, you will marvel at his accomplishments and will agree that he is an asset not just to the gay black community but to mankind, as there's nothing stronger than the human-spirit.

 The Interview

Terrance: I'm young?

John: Yeah, you are young. 39, that's young.

Terrance: (laughing) Thanks.

John: So tell me, what made you think that you should write your story now?

Terrance: I think the press have gotten it right, people who have read the book, they got it, this is a memoir, it's not a tell all book. I don't name names. My book is all blind articles and its focused on my story, my memoir about my coming out as a gay man in the entertainment industry. And I think its unfortunate, that we as black writers, we get pigeon holed or lambasted by the community by saying that this is a tell all when we write about the entertainment industry but people like Valerie Bertinelli, Tori Spelling, Barbara Walters and all of these other people who have written their memoirs, and work in the entertain industry can write they …

Terrance: (laugh) and they name all these names in the book, who they slept with, mentioned all these drugs, and all the stuff that they did in their books, and its considered art and how they overcome… (He continued with) For so long I felt that we didn't have a voice especially in Hip-hop which is a very homophobic culture and environment that perpetuates hate against gay men and women and degrades women, I commend the women from "Spellman" who stood up and said, "we are not going to be called Bitches and Holes" anymore, we are going to take this to task, we are going to invite you to our school. Rappers were invited, but no one showed up. The book was written to start a conversation and dialog.

So this is my call to all the gay rappers to stand up and be accountable for what they're saying, which is hurtful, dangerous lyrics against they own people, a lot of them are closeted gay men themselves. I didn't write the book to "out" anyone because I know how hard it can be to come to terms with one's sexuality. My mother was heroin addict and a prostitute, died from AIDS and two of my brothers, one was born with the virus, died at age two, the other was molested in a group home for boys and contracted HIV virus and died. I watched members from my own family died. After the third time (death) that was stupidity, we knew better, to sit by and not say anything, we should have taken some type of action, and I think that happens a lot in the black community.

Once (some black) people are diagnosed they don't want to talk about it. (They) deal with it like it's a death sentence and black communities don't want to talk, they feel like an outcast. This is why some don't want to seek treatment. (Terrance continued with mentioning that he was also molested at age 13 by a family friend, he told the surrounding family members/adults but unfortunately, it was swept underneath the rug, unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, no course of action was taken. I would like to believe that he wouldn't be the strong person that he's become, and that all things happen for a reason.

Terrance felt that since this situation was not further discussed that he was made to feel that he was to blame. His saving grace was his love for hip-hop, when he first heard "Rappers Delight" by the Sugarhill Gang and saw L.L. Cool J. on television, he knew that he had to go to NYC, to become a part of this musical art form.- this was his emotional escape from the drama at home in Detroit.

John: Before your connection to the music industry, were you in the closet?

Terrance: I was in the closet, and I always wanted to be in Hip-Hop, the Levi jeans, this was my escape. If I wanted to be like that, I had to be in New York.

John: Do you define yourself as bi or homosexual?

Terrance: I'm gay. (laughing, comfortable being himself- we both laughed)

John: In the industry, with the hip hop male, are women also living on the down low? And do you feel that the down low rules apply to the bi-sexual female?

Terrance: Yes, the same. Definitely. You are in the limelight. They feel that you can't be a role model and be gay. Who said that? Where did they learn that? If you can stand in front of thousands of people, you should have the courage to come out and be gay.

John: I would imagine since its not the norm, this is why they believe that. Do you feel that the "down low" is only in the black community?

Terrance: Hell no, this is not just a culture thing related to black or Latinos, there are whites, Asians, in Hollywood I met a lot of white down low men. This is not exclusively in the black community.

John: How old were you when your mother passed away?

Terrance: Was a junior in college… 20, 21 when she passed away.

John: How did that change your life?

Terrance: I wanted validation from my mother, that's the only thing I wanted, I wanted her approval, her love. I started seeing her waste away, and I stayed with my mother. I told her that I didn't love her, all the things that a child would say seeking love. We had our first conversation, that was the first time that I heard her say that she loved her children, she told me that she loved me and I cried. I got to hear what I wanted to hear but I also knew that it would be the last time that I would see her alive.

Terrance: No, he (one of his brother's) was born with it, my other brother was molested in a group home.

John: Have you had any sexual encounters with some the down low hip hop artist?

Terrance: Yes, quite a few. Actors. Celebrities. I talk about it in the book.

John: I understand that 85 percent of your book is about sex. What do you feel the reader will learn after reading your book?

Terrance: (laughs, surprised at the question, but then suddenly serious) I was seeking love and the only way I knew how to do that was through sex and I didn't know any other way of asking for or receiving love. I didn't know how to love. I was seeking validation. This is not a book about having sex on the down low, its my story. (In regard to sex) I still enjoy it, I still have it but I don't equate sex with love.

John: How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Terrance: At 13. (the neighbor who molested him and with a female)

John: The guy who molested you, did you ever see him again?

Terrance: No. I never saw him again, no one in my family ever saw him again. The first time it happened, I was at my cousins house, he climbed into bed and molested us. The second time it happened, I was questioning my sexuality, I figured he had been doing it to my cousin for a long time. The next day, I saw him coming over & I yelled, "He touched me!, he touched me!!, he touched me last night!! " I don't remember much after that, it was never discussed.

As we continued to chat, Terrance expressed that, through life experiences he knows the difference between sex and love, since there was a time in his youth that sex was mistaken for love. He feels that this person, who molested him, at age 13, had taken away his innocence. He's comfortable now with his sexuality and with his personal relationship with God.

John: If a hip-hop artist came out of the closet, do you think that he or she would murder his or her' career?

Terrance: Because of the internet, children are much more intelligent, kids today really don't care, they have friends who are gay. I don't think that it will damage an artist's career.

John: There are some who believe that you are born gay while others feel that you have a choice, do you feel that your being molested as a child made you gay?

Terrance: I think it was very unfair of him to take advantage of me. And at such a young age, to take away a young person's innocence, I feel like he took that away from me.

Terrance:  It's ok with me and I think that each person has to come to his own conclusion about their own sexuality. I feel ok for where I am. There was a time that I felt that it was wrong until I developed my own personal relationship with God.

John:  There are states that are changing their view on gay marriage, do you think as society changes it's view, that the view will also change in the black community? And will the view change in the world of hip-hop?

Terrance:  Society is changing, the world is changing, the black community is slowly changing and the hip-hop community is much slower. There are a lot of gay people, look at the gay people who are showing up and showing out for gay marriage, and changing bills, especially in Hollywood. The black community isn't changing that fast, especially with the church as it's backbone.

John:  At present, are you involved? If not, are you available?

Terrance:  No, I'm single.

John:  Are you available? Or available to date? (laugh)

Terrance:  (laugh) Yes, I'm available to date.

John:  Some down low brothers believe that if he's on top, that he's not gay or bi, that he's just feeling "freaky", getting his "freak" on. What is your take on this way of thinking?

Terrance:  The down low man that sees himself as top, he's not getting penetrated, he's penetrating you, I'm not the female or he's not performing oral sex, feels that he's not gay. I feel that if you are having sex with a man, that you are gay. If you are having sexual activity with a man, you are gay. If you are laying down naked with a man, you are gay.

John:  Or bi?

Terrance:  No, you are gay. (laughing)

John:  Do you feel that since you have been exposed and have been on the inside of the industry, can you look at someone and know if he's on the down low?

Terrance:  No. No. I'm met men who have openly flirted with me and I didn't know that they were flirting, and they would have to say that they're flirting with me. I've been surprised, sometimes, to find out that some men are on the down low. I've met other men who were effeminate, and straight. (He, then, told me about a story about meeting someone at the party, he didn't know that this handsome, hot brother was interested in him till the morning after they had spent the night together, slept in the same bed. Nothing happened sexually at this encounter. It's one of many stories in his memoir.)

John:  Have you ever gone to any sex parties, where everyone was on the down low?

Terrance:  Yes, I have, a lot of down low sex parties.

John:  Were drugs available?

Terrance: Yeah, marijuana, alcohol and pills. Cocaine. (Because his mother had a drug problem, he was not interested in drugs. He knew about weed, which has a smell.)

John:  Was there protection? (Condoms)

Terrance:  Yes, I did notice guys putting on condoms. (Which he goes into more detail in the book.)

John:  Have you ever mistaken good sex for falling in love? And do you know of any down low brothers who have experienced the same, confusing love with good sex?

Terrance:  Yeah, yes.

John:  But as an adult?

Terrance: Yes, now I know, I can separate the two.

Terrance:  Yes, on my blog. (see website address at the bottom of this interview)

John:  I'm sure that there were people in the industry that knew you were writing your book, did you receive any threats?

Terrance:  No. Everyone's been very supportive. I'm glad that I had their supportive. I received a lot of love, everyone's been very encouraging, (some said) as long as you change my name.

John:  Do you have or if you had children, would you encourage him or her to explore their sexuality?

Terrance:  Yeah, I would let my children be who they are, you can't force children. I wish my parents or my grandparents would have let me explore more of my creativity, that's why I entered the entertainment industry, I loved to watch television. I wanted to know how things worked. I was originally going to be a dentist, but I hated science. I'm glad I followed my own destiny.

John:  Where do you see yourself in five years?

Terrance:  (The book) This has allowed me a huge platform to be a voice for young people, for hip-hop, for people in the industry. (Because of his story, his memoir, he's gone international, he's about improving relationships, bringing people together, unity. Hip-hop is in every culture, he wants to make sure that he's handling this responsibility with much respect and integrity. He wants to show the black community and the black gay community that we can come together as one, and respect each other's sexuality.)

John:  I've heard that they're Hollywood couples who are bi-sexual and have arranged relationships, did you find this also in the hip-hop world?

Terrance:  Yes. Definitely. A lot of relationships are arranged. There's this machine behind called the entertainment industry, they will do anything and everything to protect their product, the artist.

John:  In your "Men's Empowerment" workshops did it help you get to this point (in his career)?

Terrance:  Yes, it did. A lot of the men were in the entertainment industry and I saw so much of myself in all of the men and they saw themselves in me. So it definitely helped. It was very encouraging and I'm so glad that I have that support system.

John:  In "Reclaim Your Power" (his first book) how did this book come in existence?

Terrance:  I was reviewing my own life, I was looking for a spiritual outlet for men of color and I couldn't find a book so I decided to write the book myself. I was fortunate to get a book deal, it allowed me to share my challenges, what I've learned through out the years.

John:  Moving forward do you see a place for the gay rapper in a straight and "down low" world?

Terrance:  If the person is already in the rap world, yes, but for someone trying to get in, it would be very difficult. For those in the industry that are gay, the industry knows already anyway.

John:  Do you feel that with the release of your memoirs, it will stop the hatred that artist like DMX and others have towards the gay hip- hop artist or rapper?

Terrance:  I think that gay black men are going to stand up and be accounted for. It's going to stop, it has too. We are no longer going to allow others to call us names like faggot, homo.

John:  Do you see a second book following, where you write about this experience? (what's happening since the release of his book)

Terrance:  Yes, there's a follow up book coming.

John:  Since there were 2 sides of you, the professional (down low) and the personal (gay), have you been able to merge the two? And now do you feel that you are allowed to be the total you?

Terrance:  Yes, but I still meet down low men. (laugh) (Terrance explained that they're many different levels and layers to the gay male, from extremely fem to extremely masculine. He feels that the individual has a right to be true to him or herself)

John:  What type of guy are you attracted to?

Terrance:  I don't have any one type. I'm open, whatever may happen, may happen.

John:  What would your fans be surprised to learn about you?

Terrance:  Some of my friends were very shocked to learn about my history, surprised to learn about what I've gone through.

His memoir has the makings of a Hollywood movie. Drugs, sex, rumors, secrets, lies, promises and other good stuff. Such an inviting black eye to a thug secret society. Do I think that that since Terrance Dean came out of the closet that others will follow? No, not yet. Sometimes things are sweeter when you sneak.

For more information about the author and his scheduled book tours go to:

http://booktour.com/author/terrance_dean

www.TerranceDean.blogspot.com

www.myspace.com/hidinginhiphop