By James Hipps, GayAgenda

As part of GayAgenda’s “Out in the Workplace” Series, celebrating GLBT History Month and Nation Coming Out day, we are please to announce the distinct honor of speaking with Jamal Brown.

 

 

 
Mr. Brown is a recent graduate of Dartmouth College, where he ran track as an openly gay collegiate athlete. He is presently employed by the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) in Boston.

Here he has found a place where he can put actions behind his commitment to make the world better for gay people.

Jamal hasn’t always been out however. It wasn’t too long ago he was still in high school, where he remained in the closet. During his high school years he heard homophobic slurs on a daily basis. Many times throughout his high school career, he would find himself lowering his voice in an attempt to “butch it up” a bit, not an uncommon defense mechanism for many closeted gays.

 
“Its very difficult to be out in an environment where doing so is an endangerment to your mental well-being an possibly even your health”, Brown said. I asked Mr. Brown if he ever took part in the harassment and he replied, “Maybe to close friends, but not to anyone’s face. I was very scared to be myself back then.”

Jamal first realized he was gay “way before the age of 10.” He told me, “I remember when I was 7 or 8, having a crush on a boy in the second grade. Of course at that age, I never said anything.” But it just prior to his senior year of high school when he made his first attempt at become comfortable with his sexual orientation and started to come out. Jamal said, “I was going to school in Sacramento, California. I was about to begin my senior year when I came out to my best friend. He ended up coming out to me too. Then, throughout my senior year, I just stopped caring. I had been accepted to Dartmouth, I was a top athlete, I started dressing differently and I was going out to clubs, but I wasn’t out to any of my straight friends or family. I was really living a duel life at that time.” He said.

But it wasn’t until he was in attendance at Dartmouth when he decided to really make his first attempt at coming out.

 
 
 
Coming out at Dartmouth was not an easy decision for Jamal however. As a matter of fact, he was, “considering not being out at all at Dartmouth.” “I really wasn’t sure if I should jeopardize being on the track team. I loved track, and still do,” he said, “Track played a large role in my reasoning for going to Dartmouth, but it was during (campus) orientation, I met a guy who I would secretly date while building the courage to come out.” Brown added. So, he decided to test the waters.

He placed a post on his Facebook page, which stated he was “interested in men”. After that, he recalls, coming out just started to spiral. The very next day, one of his Dartmouth track mates, a Junior at the time, approached him on the field before practice as he was stretching. His teammate mentioned he had seen Jamal’s Facebook page and pressed the issue. Jamal didn’t acknowledge his teammates comments.

He said, “I didn’t really say anything, I just kind of shrugged and went back to stretching.” He does recall however a response he did not anticipate. “My teammate said, it doesn’t matter, we’re here for you.” Brown recalls.

 

 
Speaking about his tenure at Dartmouth, Jamal said, “Being an athlete put me in an odd position with other black men on campus. Some accepted me, and close friends of others accepted me so they had to accept me too. I feel fortunate that being homophobic or racist was really looked down upon at Dartmouth. Because of that, I was able to use my sexuality to create a safe place for others and myself. I was a product of my environment, and yet was able to shape my environment.”

Jamal also contributes his ease of coming out at home to his positive coming out experience at Dartmouth. “It was the summer after my freshmen year when I came out at home.” He said. “I am an only child, and it was a Saturday night in July when my Mother and I were talking.

We began to argue about an issue she was having with her computer. I quickly realized it wasn’t the computer that had her upset when she began accusing me of lying. She finally came out and asked; “Are you gay.” I said yes, and it wasn’t mentioned again until the end of the summer.”

 

 
As he continued with his story, I must admit, I found a great deal of humor in what Jamal told me next, mostly because I think we’ve all been in this situation before. “It was the next morning, and I was a bit nervous.” He said. “After I awoke, I went into the kitchen and my Mother had made a huge breakfast for me. I was really afraid to eat it. I thought she might be trying to poison me.” We both got a good laugh out of this.

When I asked him about coming out to any other family members, Jamal said with another small laugh, “I didn’t have to worry about telling the rest of the family, my Mom did that for me.”

From this point on however, Jamal was completely out of the closet. “Being out gave me time to focus on athletics,” he said, “But my sexuality always lingered in my mind, especially when teammates would make careless jokes about being gay.”

After we spoke about his life, and coming out, I asked Jamal some more specific questions as well.

What was one of your biggest fears of being an out athlete? “My teammates being afraid to shower at the same time as me. As athletes do, we spent a lot of time hanging out in the showers. I was part of that culture. Fortunately for me however, it really never was an issue. I found that straight guys check each other out in the shower too. When teammates would be talking about hooking-up with girls, they would always ask me if I met any guys, just like it was no big deal.”

Did you have other athletes approach you who were gay and afraid to come out? “Yes, and many of them are still in the closet.”

What are you most grateful for? “That’s a tough question, because there are so many things. To put it in one word, I guess I’d say life. I am also grateful for my Mother. For a time, we were on welfare, but I always had the love of my Mother. She exemplifies the spirit each of us have.”

What is your greatest attribute? “The ability to communicate with people on all different scales of life. I see people as just that, people. Wealthy or poor, both are human. I acknowledge and accept people for who they are. I love people no matter how different they are.”

What is your greatest weakness? “Thinking too much. I internalize being gay, being black and being gay and black. From birth we are socialized to like the opposite sex, so I think it’s easy to internalize being gay, although we shouldn’t. I am still looking forward to the day I don’t have to think, and I can just be.”

What do you feel is the greatest disconnect within the GLBT community today? “Are we a community? The greatest disconnect I see too much transphobia within our community. There is racism, sexism, and classism within our community. Also, there’s a very poor representation of our community from within. While a kid is being beaten and called a faggot, people in our community call each other by the same name. We can’t expect others to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves.”

What do you think we can do to change the homophobic attitude of society? “One of the main reasons people denounce homosexuality is the thought of two people of the same sex have intercourse together. We don’t talk enough about the sham attached to sex. We’re doing a great job combating the stigma attached to the gay identity, but not addressing the root issue. People want their way of life to be THE way of life. Not talking about sex and not acting politically is holding back progression.”

Do you view yourself as a duel minority? “Yes. Although it depends greatly on the space I’m in, I don’t always feel accepted by the GLBT community because of my race, and I don’t always feel accepted by the black community because of my sexuality. I feel a constant struggle to be accepted by both communities. Also, mainstream gay media is reluctant to cover gay black men, so we are often put into the crossfire. We really need to concentrate on increasing visibility of the entire GLBT community, not just a select group. If we do, someday there will be a happy median.”

If you could deliver one message to the entire world, what would that message be? “Value the time we have. Don’t get caught up in the small things. Realize we all have struggles. Value and accept each other for who we are.”

What are your aspirations for the future? “To see a better life for ourselves and for the world.”

And Lastly, the question we all want to know, do you currently have a boyfriend or partner? (With an adorable laugh) “No. I’m single. If I do become involved however, I’m looking for someone who isn’t perfect, and knows they aren’t. I’m also looking for someone who’s going to challenge me and won’t be afraid to tell me wrong. And someone who constantly wants to learn, grow and who at their core, embodies altruism.”

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Brown for sharing his incredible journey with us. Jamal is truly an asset to the GLBT community, but more importantly to society as a whole. His efforts have helped shape the world to be a better place for all of us. His honesty and openness about who he is as a person, serves as a positive roll model for gay and straight people alike.

Thank you again!