Men in the larger community -- and especially the black community -- hold as one of their greatest fears that of “being turned out” (an expression for having another man engage them in a homosexual experience). We use the Bible as the ultimate weapon to justify what is really a fear based in social drama.
Recently I was engaged in jovial conversation with a straight friend of mine. During the conversation I said, “You know, I love you”; to which he replied, “the next time I come over there I better watch my butt.”
Now why is it that straight men immediately assume that homosexual love means anal penetration? Why couldn’t it mean affectionate conversation? Why couldn’t it mean going to dinner and enjoying each others’ company? Why couldn’t it mean watching sports on T.V.? Why couldn’t it mean cuddling up in each others’ arms and silently letting the spirits unite? Why couldn’t it mean kissing, massaging, or a host of other things including building a life and a family together?
Rather than considering these possibilities -- which would be the norm if we were talking about a heterosexual relationship -- the word “homosexual” just automatically brings up the nightmare of being penetrated. And what is more, paradoxically, for some that fantasy caries with it both desire and repulsion. Ultimately, The passionate outcry results from our deeply rooted question: what if I enjoyed it?
The man is not supposed to enjoy being penetrated because sociologically that symbolizes a position of submission and inferiority. That position is rightfully bestowed upon women, and in fact is the basis for biblical condemnations of homosexuality. Since in those cultural contexts women were treated as chattel property, the admonition was that men not be mistreated in like manner. It is not surprising, then that men would be afraid of the issue of homosexuality. (If he is the penetrator, he then inflicts this upon another man -- which is still abhorrent.) Who wants to be mistreated? Who wants to be treated like a piece of property? What we have learned in the last few decades is that it is quite inappropriate to subjugate our women to such demeaning positions. As the old saying goes: “Be afraid; be very afraid.” Men and women should be afraid of anyone who wants to treat them as anyone less than the sacred humans that God has created them to be -- whether in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship.
The problem is: we are addressing the wrong problem.
Rather than attacking the problem of homosexuality with such vim, vigor and vitality, we need to use that same energy to attack how we treat each other. Proverbs 6:16-19 says six things does God hate and yeah seven are an abomination unto Him. No where in that list is homosexuality listed. What is in there is a litany of what could be called relationship sins, i.e., the way we treat each other. The
Homosexuality wouldn’t be an issue unless a lot of men were feeling it. Let’s just put that fact right out there. If men weren’t feeling an irresistible attraction to each other there would be no argument. The fact is there is an attraction. There is an attraction that is so strong that in spite of all the arguments to the contrary, men still find ways -- overtly or covertly -- to satisfy that attraction.
A more reasonable approach, then, is to drill down beneath the behavior to uncover the underlying values being satisfied.
It’s no wonder we’re afraid. We’re afraid of being physically hurt by the act of penetration. That pales significantly, though, in comparison to our greater fear. We are much more afraid of being hurt in our psyche, because of old wounds that attempt to emasculate us and send debasing and dehumanizing messages to us. These messages are so powerful that they would destroy our very soul. Our sense of self is at risk. It’s no wonder, then, that we stand in pulpits across that nation with passionate outcries against such abhorrent behavior.
In a peculiar sense we need to applaud those brothers who have taken the plunge into the deep dark abyss of same gender coalescence. They have dared to explore that yearning, that passion, that unknown linkage that binds brother to brother with a sense of familiarity and communion that no cross-sexual union can provide.
What is it that these soldiers of the dark have conquered (or at least enlisted for battle)? Is it really about a penis and an anus, or is it much more about energy that understands like kinds of positioning in the world? Is it about energy that seeks to build upon itself rather than compliment itself with unlike energy? Are the penis and anus mere spokesmen for much greater work to be done -- work which some of us are afraid to explore?