We (DL / Closeted brothers) are here.  We do exist whether you like it or not. I am sure this article will evoke some discussion.  In my previous article some of you have chosen to give your rebuttal, comments, opinion or whatever you choose to call the responses that were posted.  I may follow-up with my own responses or I may choose to reserve comment.  Like it or not that is my choice. This article will encourage discussion on a subject that is not addressed very often. 

There are some brothers who choose to engage in same-gender loving relationships and have such relationships remain private. Hold up!!!  Why is that an issue?  I have no clue.  During the time period that I engaged only in heterosexual relationships I kept them private.  I never felt I needed to discuss my personal business with the people at work or in the neighborhood. 

I never thought it business of my co-worker, with whom I shared a work telephone, to know who I took to dinner or treated me to a movie.  It was never their business when it was a woman so it sure as H_ _L isn’t their business if it is a man!  I have not figured out how the person I sleep with has anything to do with my helping Jr. get his homework and studying done.  What difference does it make to any school administrator? What concern is it for the people who live in the house or apartment next door?

What is that “Dang” R. Vinnie talking about now!  Imagine with me for just a few moments…………………..Bruce pulls up to a parking spot at the local shopping center and as he prepares to exit his car looks at the passenger window to ensure that it is rolling up and notices a pair of the prettiest brown eyes you ever want to see sitting in the car parked next to him.  He reaches down to unbuckle the seat belt and meets those eyes again, however, this time they are attached to the most enticing smile you can imagine.  Bruce slightly raises his hand to the driver and faintly whispers ‘Sup” as if he could be heard through the closed window.  The driver turns to begin backing out of the spot.  

Bruce emerges from the driver’s side of his car and heads towards the store.  As Bruce reaches the end of his vehicle he is standing face to face with the driver of the other vehicle who winks and speeds off.  Bruce looks down at his 10 year old Son who asks “Dad who was that man?” “I don’t know Jr. it was just someone who waved at me so I waved at him.”  Jr. responded “Ya’ll were looking at each other like you knew each other”.

A week after the above encounter, Bruce went to a very busy local fast food restaurant at lunch time.  He decided to dine-in.  As he entered the seating area the only seat he could find happened to be next to the fine brother with those handsome brown eyes he saw last week. They greeted each other.  And as they began to engage in limited small talk across the aisle 3 very attractive black women walked over and scanned the area unable to find a seat. 

One loud bold sister in the group approached the men and told them that one of them needed to be a gentleman and move to the table of the other brother.  They both stood up at the same time after smiling at each other and they ended up sitting at the same table speechless but grinning in each other’s face.  Bruce looked over at the women and commented that ‘they are some good looking women’.  The brother looked over at Bruce and chuckled ‘Yeah but I don’t roll like that’.  Bruce looked up and responded with a smirk ‘huh what… you gay or something?’…..ah wouldn’t you like to know what happens next.  Well that was the start of what became a friendship that turned into a romantic relationship.

The above is part of a true account of a real life situation.  Regardless of what you think about the situation it really did take place.   Two brothers met and became ‘involved’ and it did not occur after dark, in a club, at a cruising spot, at a sex party or a bathhouse!  The meeting was a lot like the chance meetings that men and women have in heterosexual relationships.  Not all DL men go lurking in dark and secluded places to meet people.  Not all closeted men loose sleep over the lives they live.  People have choices in the style of clothes they wear, the type of cars they purchase, the food they eat and everything else in life.  So why is it that we must all fit a mold when it comes to how we deal with or handle sexual preference?

Contrary to what many may believe Bruce is a true Bi-sexual man.  He is not Gay.  He is not confused.  He has only engaged in monogamous relationships.  He has dated men. He has dated women.  Bruce shares custody of his son in a situation where his son is with him more than 75% of the shared time.  Bruce never introduced any of his friends to his son as girlfriend or boyfriend.  Bruce lived in a small close knit neighborhood within a major northeastern city and also in a small town in the southeast.  When it came to matters of homosexuality the mentality of African-Americans was the same in both regions. Rural vs. Urban   people’s opinions, individually, were the same.  Bruce was a very private person. He always kept his personal relationships low-key.  He invited his friends male or female to family gatherings.  People may have suspected he had an interest in men but if so it was the case of the white elephant in the room that no one ever mentioned.  Bruce felt he was able to handle the subject if it came up with family or work.

The other brother mentioned above did have issues with his sexuality.  He called himself Bi-sexual but dated the women purely for show. He was very promiscuous.  He frequently felt guilty about liking men.  He felt paranoid about people knowing his business and often felt that people were suspicious of his sexual interests when in reality it was probably the furthest thing from the minds of most people.  This brother would freak out just mentioning the fact that he may one day be faced with discussing the issue with others… especially his pre-teen son and daughter.

Just as there are countless DL brothers out there taking advantage of people with promiscuous living and random unprotected sexual encounters I know many men and women who will do the same thing strictly with people of the opposite gender. Some people call them “SLUTS / HOs or DOGS”.

The fact is that these two people are a lot like countless people who have not yet chosen to go public with disclosure of their sexual interests.  For some it is very distressing and for others it is not.  Just because some people are of the opinion that people need to “come out” in order to have peace doesn’t mean that is the only option.  How dare they call it living a lie!  For some it is simply living their life and living it on their own terms!

People who make choices and are comfortable with their choices should not be pitied especially when they are not asking for empathy, sympathy or acceptance.  Some people simply want to receive the respect to which they are entitled for the choices they have made.  I have pity on the fools who do not know better.  Many people will say that it is a difficult decision to make to come out before and after but then criticize those who choose not to come out.  What they fail to acknowledge in their own assessment is the word ‘DECISION’.  If five people jump off a bridge am I obligated to do the same?