Unlike some insensitive bastards, I don’t crap on people who are already down. Today’s society thrives on buckets of blood and sudden death mixed with the need to ‘keep it real.’ I feel like my message can be conveyed without hurting or insulting anyone. So I must share I’m Too Stressed Over A Man’s story to you all.

Oh, and if you feel like my language is offensive to you.. Wait, need I say it? Really? Okay.
I apologize for you having to GET OVER IT!

When is a need for something, be it materialistic or in regards to love, so desired that it is crossed over from a passion to an obsession? Sometimes we don’t realize when we stress over a particular subject or INDIVIDUAL! People, this isn’t good for business. You want to know why? It’s because stress is not healthy for your body, mind or spirit. Stress can cause a stroke or heart-attack. No one needs that type of consequence over a materialistic desire or OBSESSION.

Take my friend, I’m Too Stressed Over A Man, for instance. He is an Asian man with a strong desire to sleep with two Japanese siamese twin sumo wrestlers. Why? Don’t ask me. It’s been a desire (obsession) all of his life.

“I think I’ve found it, Trew!” I’m Too Stressed Over A Man yells at me. Of course I’m shocked. Who would have ever thought he’d find two homosexual Japanese siamese twin sumo wrestlers who want to have sex with him? 

I tells him I am happy that he’s found something that he likes. You know, it’s funny because for the past six, seven or eight years or so, he was constantly charging credit cards to take trips to Japan and look for his desired men (obsession).

“They’re out in the car,” he says to me with enthusiasm. I smile and sit down with my legs crossed, knitting a sweater for my cat Huevos.When he steps back in the house with his desired men (obsession), I see two obese Hawaiian ladies. They have short hair.

“Meet Cheech and Chong,” he says with a smile. Of course, my mouth is open like one of those clowns at the carnival. You know the one where you have to shoot water in their mouth from a water gun, the balloon on top of the clown's head fills up with water.

“Um, I’m Too Stressed Over A Man, those are not men.”

He looks at them closely, laughs at me and his face goes limp. “No?” he says in a soft whisper.

“Sorry, man. And they aren’t Japanese. They’re Hawaiian.” 

Upon hearing that they were not men or Japanese, this broke his heart. The women told him that they were in a committed relationship. I’m Too Stressed Over A Man cried for the next 3 months. He was heartbroken. How could all his searching go to waist like this? He didn’t know how he was supposed to pay off his credit card bills. He was screwed.

So, on the third night of the third month at 3:33 in the afternoon, he paid a 500 pound obese man to sit on his face. He was smothered...

The story is overly embellished. This means it's fake... But I hope you get my point. From obsessing over something, you leave yourself up to be more disappointed if your obsession doesn’t work toward your will. This can lead to depression and many more terrible things (trust me, I’ve seen ‘em).

Try and distinguish the difference between passion, a love, and obsession. If you want a companion so much to the point where you are constantly on dating services and you rent romantic movies all the time, just to feel sorry for your damn self while you sit naked in a wicker chair and stroke your tittie, you have a serious problem. This ride called ‘life’ is too short to stress over something you’ve made an obsession. Now go out and have some ice-cream!

- Trew Life Advice