Is the black gay scene indeed nihilistic, even verging on suicidal
- By Karanja Gacuca
- Published 05/21/2007
A certain Jonathan posted the above plea for balance blah blah blah... I had joined this yahoo groups where he had posted it with the intention of seeking adult male models for a project I was working on. I started to communicate with him via
email for a short while although we lost touch. I decided not to pursue
the project for which I required the adult models, after reading this,
and indeed, it led me to rethink my acquired values about my sexuality
- values I had acquired since leaving my native small town home, outside Nairobi, Kenya to
London and later New York, via Atlanta, the hedonist capitals for black
gay men, where many of the activities described are as readily
available as candy in the corner store.
Soon after, I decided to take a serious look at my life and what I had come to consider normal behavior and decided that I needed to make some serious changes. This guy had posted these words of concern probably with very low expectations about reaching anyone, but I wrote him to let him know that he had definitely touched me, not only with his words of wisdom, but also with his love and concern for those of us behind the protective anonymity of cyberspace. A couple of months after that, I decided to take real steps to change my life around and cut out some of the excesses that I was certain were not only unnecessary, but also quite harmful to my life – so I decided to embark on a new life without alcohol or any mind altering substances, and to reduce my partying. It has not been a straight nor smooth road, but I have been recently reminded of these words when I became an author on this site, and I thought that I ought to share this with you all, with the hope that Jonathan’s brilliant words may touch yet someone else.
I know that there are many varying views, but I can’t help wondering if there isn’t a real need for us in the greater community to reconsider what we are passing on to those that are joining our community after us. I certainly am convinced that in particular, the popular gay black scene is one made up of a community that is collectively pathological verging even on the psychotic. Sex sex sex and more sex is the order of the day – it has become universally accepted as normal to have sex anytime anywhere with whomever.
Furthermore, the unrealistic model look Adonis porn star body is sold as the only acceptable standard and indeed as the sole consideration – along with thug street cred – in seeking a partner. I definitely think that prejudice and the existence of the gay scene outside of the sexually accepted so called norms, means that we have had to create our own norms out of nothing. Furthermore with all the prejudice that exists, we almost always join the “life” at the cost of giving up our “normal” lives with our other friends and families. Internalized homophobia, acquired from the general population’s treatment of homosexuality, in my opinion, accounts for the self-hatred that leads to the self-destructive lifestyles that many of us in the gay scene lead. It is time to create more loving images and norms for ourselves and for those following after us. It is of absolute necessity to build loving, supportive communities for ourselves and each other where these new norms can be taught and learnt.
I welcome your views on the above and I look forward to a lively debate.
Soon after, I decided to take a serious look at my life and what I had come to consider normal behavior and decided that I needed to make some serious changes. This guy had posted these words of concern probably with very low expectations about reaching anyone, but I wrote him to let him know that he had definitely touched me, not only with his words of wisdom, but also with his love and concern for those of us behind the protective anonymity of cyberspace. A couple of months after that, I decided to take real steps to change my life around and cut out some of the excesses that I was certain were not only unnecessary, but also quite harmful to my life – so I decided to embark on a new life without alcohol or any mind altering substances, and to reduce my partying. It has not been a straight nor smooth road, but I have been recently reminded of these words when I became an author on this site, and I thought that I ought to share this with you all, with the hope that Jonathan’s brilliant words may touch yet someone else.
I know that there are many varying views, but I can’t help wondering if there isn’t a real need for us in the greater community to reconsider what we are passing on to those that are joining our community after us. I certainly am convinced that in particular, the popular gay black scene is one made up of a community that is collectively pathological verging even on the psychotic. Sex sex sex and more sex is the order of the day – it has become universally accepted as normal to have sex anytime anywhere with whomever.
Furthermore, the unrealistic model look Adonis porn star body is sold as the only acceptable standard and indeed as the sole consideration – along with thug street cred – in seeking a partner. I definitely think that prejudice and the existence of the gay scene outside of the sexually accepted so called norms, means that we have had to create our own norms out of nothing. Furthermore with all the prejudice that exists, we almost always join the “life” at the cost of giving up our “normal” lives with our other friends and families. Internalized homophobia, acquired from the general population’s treatment of homosexuality, in my opinion, accounts for the self-hatred that leads to the self-destructive lifestyles that many of us in the gay scene lead. It is time to create more loving images and norms for ourselves and for those following after us. It is of absolute necessity to build loving, supportive communities for ourselves and each other where these new norms can be taught and learnt.
I welcome your views on the above and I look forward to a lively debate.
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by R. Vinnie)
Words well written my brother!
Comment #2 (Posted by Louis)
This was a thought-out and well written piece. I wish to point out that the sgl community isn't the only group of individuals who "seem" to be obsessed with "sex, sex, sex". The younger "straight" generation also seems to be obsessed with sex. I am a teacher at a high school in Dallas, TX. This year alone, we had over seventy pregnant students...that we knew of. If 70 students were actually pregnant, imagine how many were sexually active who weren't pregnant. Unfortunately, hypersexuality seems to be prevailant among members of the younger generation. Who's to blame? I could blame the media, single parents, apathetic parents, the materialistic church, or society at large. I suppose in part, we all are to blame in some way.
Is there a viable solution?
Comment #3 (Posted by Parnell)
Thank you brutha for sharing your thoughts here. I'm not sure it today's youth is any more sexually obsessed than previous generations, or if the advent of technology has allowed us to know more about it. There were a lot of teen pregnancies when I was in high school back in the 80's. Unfortunately, with the increased presence of the "religious right", these kids are not getting proper sex education. They're just being told to abstain...as if that has EVER worked! With gay youth, sex is all they want..as we all did when we were that age. As males we're wired to "spread our seed" and societies messages to men only encourage that mindset. So of course when two (or more) men come together...
Like you, I too had to get a grip on my behavior. I've never been a big drinker, or done anything more than weed from time to time. My thing was sex. Like so many of us, I was looking for something, and the sexual expression was the way I went about finding it. I knew I didn't want to be one of those old guys you see constantly cruising the shower area, or the park, so I started cutting back. I haven't been to a bathhouse in years, no parks etc.
It also helps that I'm in love with a man I want to be able to look in the eye, and honestly say I haven't been with anyone else.
Comment #4 (Posted by karanja)
As I mentioned above in my blog, my point is not so much to question whether or not the black gay scene is unique in this self destructive behavior, my point is more so to raise the prospect of possible things we can do to help, such as fostering positive, loving environments for those younger than ourselves joining our community. Recent reports show that HIV infection is rising among younger black SGL men and younger black women. I believe there is a real drop in HIV AIDS education, and the younger generation seems as uninformed about HIV AIDS as we were when the pandemic first came around - such as the fact that most young people seem to think that you can tell from sight who's HIV positive and who's not, not to mention that so many seem unaware of the transmissibility of HIV!
